Both pics above are of the same Miss Kim lilac bush. It transitions in the fall with these beautiful coin-like leaves, that you see in the pic on the right, that turn golden and amber. It’s different from the late-blooming lattice-like mini blossoms in the pic on the left, that peak in late spring to early summer. Both versions of the Miss Kim are lovely, and I can honestly say that one isn’t more lovely than the other.
Like the Miss Kim, I consider myself a late bloomer as well. And lilacs were my mother’s favorite flower. A coincidence if you believe in those. As in many things on this earth, including perennials, we change as we age. Why is it that as humans, we search to remain the early version of ourself? We dread aging, we dread losing the youth that once defined us.
Youth is so very fleeting, and yet, many of us cling to it as if that is the way we are to remain always. We try to cover up our aging. We attempt to use makeup to hide the lines, age spots, dark circles. Something about this has always felt shallow to me. Caring for our skin, hair, and body with self-grooming such as exfoliated, moisturized, cared-for skin, regularly trimmed, groomed hair and brows (of course) are not in that arena. But anything used to “conceal” “cover” “hide”, feels innately icky to me. There is a reason why youth is fleeting. I haven’t for sure discovered what it is, but I know there must be one.
I never want how I look on the outside to dictate how I feel on the inside. Read that again: I never want how I LOOK to dictate how I FEEL. Because we can’t depend on the exterior. Any exterior. And as we age, it all becomes so much harder. Keeping the weight off, keeping the teeth white, staying fit. Yet some of the most beautiful people on the inside, don’t need a stitch of makeup. And some of the most ugly people on the inside, can’t hide that no matter how much makeup they wear, or how artfully they apply it. So what does this say about anything? What it says to me is that we radiate beauty or ugly from the inside out. Wellness is not defined by the way we look.
From a very young age, an utmost desire of mine has always been to try to be a better person each day. I often fall short of that purpose, but I am in constant search of ways to better myself. I’ve had many challenges lately. But I spend much time in introspection examining what, if any, part I may have had or have in any challenges life may bring my way. My hope is that as I honestly explore my behavior, I will always realize that I am doing the very best that I can. And if I am doing the very best I can, then this must be enough. Enough for the sake of my reflection when I look in the mirror and no matter what I may look like on the outside, I know that I am a child of God. And that Light on the inside is what truly makes us shine.
As an aging woman in today’s youth-beauty-centric culture, I want to believe that the aging Miss Kim Bush, and me, the aging Kimberly are both beautiful. They are not the vibrant lavender blossoms any longer, or the young, thin, smooth-skinned girl/woman. But they are blossoming in other ways, in richer ways.
The aging process is a lot like trees in that we may lose some of our external vigor and vibrancy, but if our Self roots remain sturdy, then we can take refuge there. We can dig in as the frost, as the snow, and the ice rage. We can know that there is always another spring, of some kind, just on the other side of the winter. Thanks for being here. Namaste. 💜💙💜